To be or not to be alone

I'm tired of being told that I am not social enough. My roommates seem to have taken it upon themselves to make it a goal to get me out a certain amount that they have apparently decided upon. I do not feel the need to be social the way they are and seriously I wish my autistic roommate would just shut up for even 5 minutes because I swear to God I am about to smack her. It is jsut do beyond annoying and disruptive and well freak sometimes I am trying to relax and I don't want to hear some random fact that she heard when she was 12. I am this close to telling her to shut it for good. I am truly annoyed but she is so dumb to social cues and I don't want to hurt her feelings cus maybe she really is that clueless to what is polite in life. I need my space much more than other people and she is ticking me off. I see nothing wrong with my sense of wanting to be alone so much. I like going to the gym by myself. I like watching tv by myself or atleast in silence. I like being left alone. I really do. I don't want to talk about anything to most people. Is there really anything wrong with my complete sense of autonomy?

I went to the gym today and ran 3.5 miles which for me is a good day these days. I have been lifting weights a lot and I have been trying not to get on a scale since going to the doc since well it rather disturbs me. I am trying to be ok with myself but sadly the more I work out the more I feel ok instead of feeling better about myself for more concrete reasons. I am happy that I seem to be getting back into the rhythm of being fit and losing the weight I had gained since starting the new meds. I just feel better about life when I am better looking and more fit. Perhaps that is strange but I have always been that way. I am not quite sure what else I would base my sense of self on. Sports and how well I do them is also something I base my sense of wellness on too.

On a happy note, I feel more stable than I have ever felt. Yay for that. Strange how I strove for so many years to figure out what was wrong with me jsut to find that all I needed was 1mg of Risperdal to level out. No more roller coaster. My parents always call me a roller coaster. Whatever will they call me now? By name? Heaven forbid. I finally feel in control of myself though and I gotta say it is a rather empowering feeling.