Am I ok? Or am I just not used to "stable"?

I find myself feeling very un me right now. I feel like I am pretty "stable" on my meds and all but sometimes I take a look at myself and realize I don't care about things anymore. I simply do things. I don't feel passionate about things now that I am on meds. I feel so low key that any lower and I might just be a zombie, though I already feel like one. I wake up and I go to class, I do hw, and I go to work and at the end of the day I feel like I haven't had any thoughts the whole day through. I haven't been talking to anyone recently and have been completely isolated I guess. I haven't been feeling alone lately but suddenly right now I do. I suddenly do so I took the propranolol. I have been keeping a steady stream of it coming. I don't know what I am doing anymore. I feel like I am in a fog kind of but I'm not even sure because I'm having a hard time thinking at all.

I've been getting those splitting headaches again. When I ODed two months ago and ended up going to the day treatment program it was after having headaches for days and suddenly ODing to somehow escape. I think I am stressed out of my mind but I don't even know because it is almost like my mind has shut off all communication. I don't think I've been dissociating but I somehow feel absent. Although I am all medicated and such I suddenly have the urge to OD although I don't want to die. I jsut want some kind of coma where pain doesn't exist. I've been sweating any thought out of my body and I am tempted to go to the gym right now and sweat out this headache and all this questioning I find myself suddenly doing.

I don't know why I feel off kilter. I just feel terrible though. I feel like running away on a camping trip for a few days or something. I've been reading the same page of a book over and over trying to force myself to study but I feel like I haev to DO something. I jsut feel suddenly not ok. I notice my hands shaking a I type. Now I wish I WOULD dissociate. Why do I feel all these things?